Adjusting to “Real Life”: What happens after eating disorder treatment?
Written by CCTC Staff Writer
No matter what level of care you started at, leaving an eating disorder treatment program is a huge adjustment. The sense of freedom and accomplishment is immense, but so is the level of fear that you may experience when you don’t have the day-to-day support of a formal treatment program.
To help you adjust to life after eating disorder treatment, we’ll tell you:
What to expect when you leave the program
What to do with all your free time now
How to cope with the loss of identity that comes with eating disorder recovery
How to maintain your recovery without as much structure in your “real life”
Your fear of leaving somewhere that you might not have even wanted to be in the first place, of closing a long and tiring chapter of the book of your life, is normal. But it won’t last forever.
What To Expect When You’re Home From Treatment Full-Time
Depending on the level of care you started at, you may have been living at a residential treatment center or staying in nearby housing for the majority of your treatment stay.
Even if you stayed at home for the majority of treatment, you were still spending a huge chunk of your time physically (or virtually, if you were in a virtual IOP) in a treatment environment.
The transition back to “normal life” is jarring, to say the least, and here’s a little of what you can expect when you’re in your normal environments full-time.
1. You will probably feel a little lonely.
Most people form strong connections in treatment with others who understand exactly what they’re going through. They also form relationships with caring staff members.
After spending so much time every week talking and playing games in a warm environment filled with people, you might feel a little lonely at home. There’s not really anyone at home you can turn towards to voice your frustrations or tell that inside joke to (everyone has those inside jokes in treatment). No one will quite understand your experience the way your peers in treatment did.
A lot of treatment providers do not recommend maintaining treatment friendships after you graduate from a program, for these reasons. Of course, not everyone listens.
But even if you do keep up a great friendship with someone from treatment, it will never be the same as seeing them through the day-in, day-out life of treatment.
How To Cope With Loneliness
Eating disorders thrive in isolation. So, it’s important to combat loneliness as much as possible.
Try to spend time with your family and friends. Also, consider joining a community eating disorder support group or advocacy movement.
You could also meet new people through volunteering, or by taking a class. You’ll find people there who are interested in the things you are, and start new relationships.
2. Your relationships with loved ones will change.
There are several ways your loved ones may respond to your eating disorder. They may:
Support you unconditionally, and listen when you voice your needs
Minimize or belittle your experience, or think you’re “all better” now that you’re out of a formal treatment program
Not know about (or not understand) your eating disorder, which could cause some friction down the line
Subscribe to diet culture, consciously or subconsciously, which can hurt your recovery
Have grown apart from you, as you both may have changed over time
Normalize eating disorder behaviors; for example, they may say everyone skips meals sometimes, and that it’s “normal”
Unfortunately, these are all responses you may face in your “real life.” There are so many misconceptions about eating disorders and about the kind of relationships we “should have” with food, exercise, and the body. It makes sense, then, that many people won’t understand exactly how to interact with you in recovery.
How To Cope With Relationship Changes In Eating Disorder Recovery
First and foremost, consider which relationships are worth continuing. It’s okay, natural even, to let go of people who you’ve grown apart from, or who threaten your recovery too much to interact with frequently. You don’t necessarily have to “cut them off,” but minimize your interactions with these people.
Instruct the people you want to have a meaningful relationship with on what’s okay to talk about in recovery, and what is not. It’s okay to set a boundary to protect your recovery. If they love you, they will try their best to respect that boundary.
3. You have a lot more unstructured free time.
Something was always happening in treatment, right? Someone was arriving at or leaving treatment all the time, there were groups every day, and you were always learning something, whether it was a therapeutic skill or how to scrapbook.
After that hustle and bustle, being in a less stimulating environment is both a relief and a letdown. You get more freedom, and probably feel less exhausted throughout the day.
But now you’re responsible for engaging your mind, monitoring your emotional state and nutrition, and avoiding eating disorder behaviors.
What To Do With Unstructured Time In Recovery
The solution seems simple: Fill your time with anything that distracts you.
A schedule full of things you love can be enriching, but it can also be stressful. It may also keep you from reflecting on your recovery, sitting with hard emotions, and from being mindful.
Instead of overfilling your calendar, slowly move towards your “big commitments” like school and work. You might go back part-time if you haven’t been to work or school in a long time, just to ease yourself back into it.
Next, incorporate some hobbies that you either used to love, or some new ones that you might enjoy. Find a way to make them social. For example, if you enjoy making jewelry, teach someone else how to do it, or join a jewelry-making class.
Finally, always always make sure you are getting proper hydration, nutrition, sleep, and self-care. These things are key to your recovery.
Related: These are the six forms of mindful self-care practices in eating disorder recovery.
What about the loss of identity after eating disorder treatment?
When you’re deep in your eating disorder, you feel defined by it — which makes sense, considering how much time and effort went into maintaining an eating disorder.
And then, when you’re in a formal treatment program, your identity becomes “person in treatment for an eating disorder.” Again, this makes sense, considering how much time and effort you have put into your treatment program. It was basically a job.
But what about after you leave? What about when you are going from “in recovery” to “recovered”? What happens then?
1. You will fill your life with other things, and gain a sense of identity from them.
You were always more than your eating disorder, even if it seems like your whole life has revolved around it forever.
You are a family member, a friend. Maybe you’re a student, or you have a career. There are things that interest you, even if you don’t know what they are yet.
Having an identity crisis after eating disorder treatment is normal, and here’s how to overcome it.
2. Your story will change over time.
As time goes on, and (hopefully) you move away from the dark chapters of your life with an eating disorder, the narrative you tell yourself and others will change.
The first most interesting thing about you will not be your eating disorder, or even your recovery — even though it will always be impressive. At some point, every facet of your life won’t be influenced by your eating disorder.
At some point, your eating disorder will fade into the background — if you continue to put a healthy relationship with food at the top of your priority list, especially now.
If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, take the first step today and talk to someone about recovery or simply learn more about the holistic, flexible eating disorder recovery programs we offer.