Eating Disorder Self vs. Healthy Self: Find Your True Inner Voice Again
Written by CCTC Staff Writer
Before your eating disorder developed, you were, for the most part, one whole being. You probably didn’t feel constantly at war with your mind and body. Then at some point, your eating disorder seemed to break off from the rest of your being, and take on a life of its own. These two “split” parts of yourself are your eating disorder self and your healthy self.
By the end of this article, you’ll know:
What exactly we mean when we say “eating disorder self” and “healthy self”
How to spot the difference between the two
Why distinguishing your true self voice from your eating disorder voice matters
How to find your true self and true self voice
Your eating disorder self seems loud and powerful — especially when in the middle of an active eating disorder, or in those first unsteady weeks (and months, and years) of recovery. But your healthy self is still in there.
Related: Having trouble staying motivated in eating disorder recovery? Click here for some tips to keep up your recovery progress.
What is an “Eating Disorder Self” and “Healthy Self”?
Everyone is born with a core healthy self. This is the part of you that is authentic, unashamed, loving, and noncritical. The healthy self thinks more positive, more realistic thoughts and responds in more caring, self-loving ways.
The eating disorder self emerges as a result of the learned negative thoughts and coping mechanisms that contribute to your eating disorder. You repeatedly say negative things about yourself, or reason that something bad has happened to you because of your weight or shape, or attribute values to your body or eating disorder habits, and suddenly, there’s an entire separate part of you that’s automatically thinking these thoughts.
Your healthy self does not think eating disordered thoughts — in fact, your healthy self knows your eating disordered thoughts are irrational. But your eating disorder self will insist distorted thoughts are true until you are compelled to act on them.
A Few Examples of the Eating Disorder Self and the Healthy Self
1. Situation: Your significant other breaks up with you.
ED Self: “They probably broke up with you because you’re fat and disgusting. It’s your fault, and you need to restrict so that you’re not so disgusting.”
Healthy Self: “The reason they broke up with you has nothing to do with my weight. Even if it was, you wouldn’t want to date them, anyway.”
2. Situation: You’ve had a late night snack.
ED Self: “Well, you’ve already broken your fast, so you might as well binge and then start again tomorrow.”
Healthy Self: “Your body needed nourishment, and now you are full. It doesn’t matter that you ate at this time, because your body does not run on a clock.”
Your eating disorder self will take any situation and turn it into an opportunity to tell you eating disordered statements and push you to use disordered behaviors. It is self-destructive, self-critical, and — at times — so powerful that you do react and use behaviors, even though your healthy self knows that behaviors aren’t helpful.
How Differentiating Between the Eating Disorder Voice and Healthy Self Voice Contributes to Recovery
Because your eating disorder self stems from within, you can’t really “get rid of it.” Rather, you can learn to listen to it, and not react. You learn to recognize your eating disorder self, recognize its distorted thoughts, and then build up the resilience to observe without reaction.
Recognizing your eating disorder voice has several benefits when it comes to recovery:
Identity Building
As you fall deeper into your eating disorder, your eating disorder voice gets much louder, while your own authentic voice gets smaller. You start focusing on the things your eating disorder wants you to, and what you really care about starts to fall away.
At some point, you’ve probably felt like all you are is your eating disorder. But distinguishing between your eating disorder voice and your true voice will help you realize that you have your own identity. You care about more than what your eating disorder says you do.
You are your own person, and when you are ready to recover, you won’t be an “empty shell.” Rather, you can return to yourself, your true self.
Inner Dialogue
At any time, in any situation, you can hear both your eating disorder voice and your true self voice. You can also use one voice to talk to the other. This is called inner dialogue.
When your eating disorder self is telling you negative, harmful thoughts, your healthy self can talk back to it. Your healthy self can make counter arguments for every eating disorder thought.
An example of inner dialogue:
ED voice: “I can’t be over x pounds, or I’ll be miserable.”
True self voice: “A number on a scale does not reflect me at all, so thinking a number is going to change my life makes no sense.”
There are many ways to talk back to your eating disorder. You can gently reason with it, or become furious with it. Either way, talking back to your eating disorder voice helps you poke holes in your eating disorder’s logic, and strengthen your healthy self voice.
A Voice of Reason
Imagine that the recovery process is like moving through a dark tunnel. If you follow the sound of your healthy voice, or true self voice, it will lead you out of the tunnel, and into the light of full recovery.
If you know your thought is coming from your eating disorder voice, you know what you have to do — the opposite. If your healthy self is telling you to do something, you know it’s the right thing to do in the long run, even if it’s uncomfortable to do in the moment.
How to Find Your True Self
Your true self is self-compassionate and value-driven. To find your true self again, you have to ask yourself:
“What do I value?”
Your eating disorder worked hard to take away everything you value, because it knows your values are at the core of your true self.
So, what drives you? What do you really want to talk about, think about, spend time doing? Do you value your relationships, your career, your volunteer work?
The part of you that thinks and acts according to these values is your true self. The voice that speaks kindly to you, and that values what you do, is your true self voice.
Related: Not sure who you are or what you value without your eating disorder? Click here.
If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, take the first step today and talk to someone about recovery or simply learn more about the holistic eating disorder recovery programs we offer.